Deal with it

My son is graduating tomorrow. Next week he is moving away. I will cry like a baby. Probably for a very long time. As with the majority of moms I know, our lives revolve around our kids. That's the way it is and the way it should be. Never had much respect for those moms that lament about how they gave, gave, gave with nothing in return, only to "find themselves" in middle age, dump their husbands and take up pottery. Motherhood is a choice and I happily made it. But the whole empty nest thing is rearing its ugly head.

Because motherhood is all encompassing, when the time comes for one of them to leave, it's a little like being hit in the head with a stone. Yes I am proud of the young man he has become, yes I trust his judgement (as much as one can trust an 18 year old's judgement) and yes it's time for him to go out and learn to live his life. But I don't have to like it. I can whine, I can cry, and I can fuss. But what it really boils down to is my purpose in life is being forced to change. With little subtlety my children are going to leave home and I am going to have to adjust to this new way of being. I have seen this coming for awhile now. My most obvious sign was in January, when because I no longer have toddlers to take care of, I adopted a little dog. The first sign of impending loneliness, the chihuahua.

I guess that means that my son will still need me but with a twist. I'm still mom, but I have no control . My son is on his own. His autonomy will drive him. It's time for him to test his mettle. I can only sit back and watch, hoping that he will find his purpose while I search for my own. In the meantime, I'll pester him with instant messages on Facebook and leave long babbling messages on his voicemail. Poor kid.