Testing,,1,2,3

This is a time of tests. Life tests, not scantron bubbles. My patience is tested. With my job, I must learn to pick out the seeds of okayness in a swarm of disrespect. Knocked through the halls like a pinball, it's hard to like your neighbor. Living check to check. No fun at all. Your mind spends all it's extra time, the time you used to enjoy just thinking, on worry. Worry about bills, worry about the now. One thing about worry is I don't seem to transfer it to the future. I harbor it here in the now. My brain is too taxed to fast forward. I will simply hope for betterment in all things. With most tests, I find a way to cope. I smile or I cry in my car. I sneak off to the lake, sit in my car, and eat Taco Bell. All while listening to talk radio. It's comforting in my steel cocoon. No one dare rattle my psyche when I'm in the zone. I need time to feel detached from doing, if just for a few minutes, then I miss my chaos and I return refreshed. Test me Lord, it keeps me on my toes. It makes me cherish what I have and disregard what I don't. Life is simpler now. The money tree has gone underground and all I can see are the leaves above.