take a chill pill

I'd like a little more patience with myself. Not sure how to get it, but I'd like it all the same. I've been on this planet nearly fifty years now, and I still think the same thoughts I did when I was a young thing. In fact, it's as if I stuck myself under a very large magnifying glass so I could choose each blemish in my character and amplify it. I much enjoy the days when I am so incredibly busy that I don't have time to mull over my flaws. I like being so overwhelmed that life is blurred like a tornado, with bits of problems scattering around me, but I have absolutely no way of catching anything. That's okay. It's a way of rationalizing the list. The list of woes that goes spinning in my head. I much prefer to focus on the good. The people who do nice things. My kids and their joys. A new project that wraps me up and takes hold. When things are utter chaos, chaos comforts me. In stillness shines the error of my ways.