family

I have a new puppy. She's insane. She's wicked. She fits right in. Her name is Baxter, a homage to "Anchorman". No one calls her that, but so it is. I like Baxter, but raising a puppy is taxing. She whines....a lot. She wakes me up way too early on my days off. She's a baby in canine form. My dog, Donut, loves her. It's his new toy. He tosses her around the carpet for entertainment and she merrily joins in. She growls when you pick her up. Bad chihuahua attitude already. Working on that one. Apart from the growling, she is a peach. She's good on the leash, sweet in your lap, and tiny as a bug. She'll get used to this family life and we'll get used to her. She's growing on us, this little tornado of terror.

Exhaustion

I am frustrated. Frustrated as a parent. Parenting is on the worst days saddening. Sad because I don't like to see my kids hurt or frustrated or depressed. I don't like that I have to play a part in that sometimes. That I am the cause of that sometimes. I remember being a kid. I remember being so fed up with my parents and their rules. I remember thinking "I'll never do this to my kids." But you do. You have to. It's painful. It hurts me physically. It makes me sick to my stomach. There's no way around it if you want to set any kind of reasonable expectations. I hurt. I hurt for them. This is a tough time to parent. Kids grow up way too fast. I want to keep mine as safe as I can for as long as I can, but I've found that control is mostly in my head. Things happen, I don't like it, and I have to decide to parent the right way whether it's fun or not. I hope my kids get it someday. I guess they will, that's my hope anyway.